Brain Damage Occurred Early

My daughters and I learned to joke about my "dane bramage," but, in the beginning, the alterations in my "internal" life and my external behavior were anything but funny.  Of course, the greatest difficulty is recognizing them:  when the observer is also the observed, objectivity is a challenge. When the observer's faculties are newly impaired, objectivity is formidable.   (That's one of the reasons I developed a self-assessment.  If you have suffered from chemo brain, you can also have one or more family members or friends complete it independently.)

Looking back, the most severe problems were memory impairment, navigation problems, language difficulties, mental fog, small motor skill deteriorations such as handwriting, and distractibility (have I changed the subject yet?).  Thanks to the aggressive regimen of Adriamycin, Cytoxan, and Taxotere-- all three therapies for six infusions--, I can't remember some major events and hosts of details about the two year period preceding my diagnosis, nor the two years after the diagnosis.  I consider those years "lost."  (On the positive side, I might feel a bit younger because of it!). 

Clinical psychologists might diagnose my memory loss and other impairments as post traumatic stress disorder, however, based on the research of chemotherapy's effects, I have a near-perfect match between the known mechanisms of chemo and the problems/impairments I encountered.

To this day I continue, when fatigued, to open the wrong cabinet door or enter the room immediately adjacent to the one I intend.   Having been absent-minded since shortly after birth, I know the difference between this problem and the navigation problem:  I am actually "in the present" while walking, instead of thinking of something else, I just don't go where I intend.  This problem is a symptom of damage to a structure called the hippocampus, and it's also where new memories are formed.

The other impairments seem to have dissipated entirely.  My handwriting is legible again-- (some would debate this!) -- or looks like it used to.  Mental fog occurs when I lose sleep or add a little too much wine.  My tolerance for clutter (related to the  brain area called the pre-frontal cortex) is at an all-time low.  My recovery did not happen overnight, "naturally," or "spontaneously."  The regaining of my mind, such as it is now, was deliberate, research-based, methodical, and powered by my strong will.

In the years after my "brain repair"-- and, really, my "self" repair, I have developed and evolved the methods.  I have used many of them with my clients who have a range of symptoms that include attention deficits, memory deficiencies, poor mood, slow reaction time, and difficulty performing a range of simple tasks.

If you or someone you love has had cancer treatment, you are now members of  a special club that no one would ever want to join: the Profoundly Affected by Cancer Treatment (PACT).   Membership dues are costly, although insurance companies pay a good part of the initiation fees.   The personal cost is high, and no one can put a price tag on that.   Family and friends are associate members.

The good news is that recovery is possible, thanks to the brain's amazing capacity to regenerate and rewire itself.  After chemo, brain rarely can do it alone.